Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Day 12

There seems to be at least a day or two (or sometimes seven) days of the week when I feel completely overwhelmed.  To be honest, this happened before Tera was born fairly frequently also. But as my wonderful friends at work have tried to encourage me to do, I've said no to more things at work this year and felt less compelled to get certain things done at home.  Sure I probably could have given those things up earlier and eliminated some of that stress, but at the time I felt that while I didn't have kids, it seemed like things I should be doing.  I had already planned on removing some of these activities before Tera was born, but after she was born and we found out about some of the extracurricular activities that came along with her, I had to get rid of even more (this seems to have been my workouts lately). 

So basically now I'm overwhelmed by a lot of the things that new moms are; balancing work, housework, and spending quality time with my husband and daughter.  But then on top of that I've had to add in therapies, doctor appointments, lists of questions for therapists and doctors, and oh yeah, that whole sleeping thing. 

In response to these things, I've tried a new grading system that has eliminated TONS of work for me and is beneficial to my students, asking for more help from my husband who has always offered it, paying people to do things that we just don't have time for, and actually saying no when I can't do something.  And most of the time, this seems to work.  But as I said before, there are always a few days when everything seems to come at me at once and I'm left sitting there wondering how I'm ever going to be able to breathe again. 

I know I will again reach a point where things seem in order and there may even be a moment when I think to myself, "what should I do with this free time?" because in 31 years it's always happened eventually.  The dilemma I face now is, it's ok if I run out of time to wash the floor or I forget to write something down that we need at the store, but it's not ok if I forget to ask one of her doctors a question I've been thinking about for weeks or we never have time to work on her therapy strategies because my new job, my most important job, is making sure that she is always taken care of and during a week like this, that's the part that worries me the most, that it's one of the important things I'm forgetting or not getting done. 

So right now, I'll try and go to bed and watch some mindless television that will hopefully allow me to sleep and not wake up at 2 am because I realized I have an email to send at work or lay there and worry about how I'm going to get my classes to correctly multiply binomials.  I will try and sleep so that I can wake up in the morning to my favorite little face and feel once again that I am capable of all of this. 

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