Note: I know I've written about this topic before and I may again, but it is relevant today.
This has been a baby filled week with not one, but two of my friends/coworkers getting new additions to their family! Both had baby girls and both are doing well.
I've never felt bitter about any of the people that have had healthy babies in the time since I've had Tera (and I almost deleted that sentence because I really, truly have never felt that and I don't want to plant that idea in anyone's head, but all honesty here). I also never regret the experience we had with her birth and the days and weeks following. In fact, just the opposite. Hearing the news of my friends' new babies has made me miss those first few hours and days with Tera because honestly I've never felt more loved and taken care of and happy in my life. Of course I can say that now because the truth of everything has had time to set in, but even in those dark hours of crying my eyes out because I didn't know how we would handle everything and trying to accept how our life had changed, I was so happy that she was finally with us.
Because Tera was the first baby on both sides of our family, everybody was over the top excited about my pregnancy and her impending birth. And then of course when she was born it seemed like people just came out of the woodwork to see her. I'm sure it helped that she was born early on a Saturday morning and so people had the weekend, but I know that's not the main reason. I've always been very close to my family and so I was so excited to be able to share her with them that I couldn't wait until people got there. The first day was such a day of conflicting emotions because we were so happy she was finally with us, but then we were also dealing with the news of the Down Syndrome on our own because we hadn't told anybody. I was also going on about 4 hours of sleep and having given birth and all the hormones and emotions that go along with that.
Then the next day when we decided to tell everyone, we cried so much I thought I couldn't stop at times. That day was one of the bravest days for Tom because he took on almost all of that on his own. He let me just be with Tera (who had already been moved to the NICU for the risk of infection) and then bring people in to see her. In the days that followed I was able to really see, again, one of the reasons why I married him and it was because through all his pain he always put Tera and I first. He took care of me and my post partum recovery and her just in the way he handled the phone calls and sea of people and keeping track of when we could go back up to see her and when I needed to pump and making sure I drank enough water and ate and slept.
We both cried so many times that we had to leave her in her little bed, but just being able to hold her and kiss her little head and cheeks was so amazing. So even now, when I see those pictures of her in the hospital still with her little feeding tube taped to her cheek and the monitors on her feet and chest, I still get nostalgic for the experience of getting to meet her.