Monday, October 17, 2011

Day 17

We just had Tera's long awaited ENT (ear/nose/throat) appointment and it was somewhat anti climatic.  I was of course not hoping for more problems, but at the same time I was hoping we would have some answers to some of our concerns.  Basically it sounds like Tera has a bad cold or sinus infection, but he's not sure which one or even if it is that at all.  He suggested a course of antibiotics to see if that helps and as much as Tom and I are against antibiotics without a diagnosis, it seemed as though the past several weeks of her suffering was enough.  It also seems that several of the concerns we have may be related to the cold/infection so we don't really have answers to those questions until we see if the antibiotics work.

One of the things that has been so frustrating and concerning to me is that I never seem to have the right level of concern.  When I feel like something is wrong, I've pretty much been told that it's either normal or doesn't seem like anything serious.  Then when I assume it's something normal or at the very least nothing they can do anything about anyway, it ends up being more serious.  The doctor seemed somewhat surprised that we had waited this long to see anyone but even when I've called about multiple vomiting episodes in a day, they tell me there's nothing they can really do and just watch it and call again if it doesn't improve. 

This is the one part that I'm sure most parents experience; never knowing when to be just the right amount of concerned.  The other complication that we face however, is knowing when it's something that's a "normal" concern and when it's something related to one of the many issues that can be a result of Down Syndrome. 

I know this will be the struggle for a long long time and I know that as a parent I'll never stop worrying or second guessing myself.  I do understand what my parents went through now and I suppose I'll view it as a rite of passage in life.  Some days I'll feel more confident in my decisions and some days I'll question everything I'm doing.  But I know that at the end of the day, she's fed, warm, and loved and on the day she was born they told me those were the most important things so I'll stick with that and consider parenthood a success so far. 

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