Saturday, October 22, 2011

Day 22

So it turns out I can't do it all.  I need to be reminded of this every once in a while.  Unfortunately for me and Tom, it is not something that typically comes during a moment of calm or even as a gradual realization.  I can at least say I am a person who is aware of their faults.  I'm not necessarily good at overcoming them, but I do recognize them.  In my case, it's not even that I'm a total control freak and I don't trust anyone else to do things (that's a part of it, but not the biggest part).  It's more that I feel bad asking others to do what I feel I should be doing. 

But of course one doesn't realize these things until it's too late.  In my case, it typically happens as the result of a completely innocent event that shouldn't mean anything but for some reason is a trigger to my overburdened mental capacity. 

Yes this happened today, no Tom is not committing me.  At least not yet...It's just that one can be chugging along through life dealing with the obstacles as you come upon them when all of a sudden it seems as though there is no more clear path; the whole thing is obstacles.  My current obstacles include a whole lot of work crap that I don't want to go into, and trying to figure out little Miss Tera.  This is the first time in her short life on this planet, that she's had a fever for over 24 hours and 5 episodes of vomiting.  We've also had, and are currently experiencing, episodes of fussiness which while many of you may think is not that abnormal, is VERY out of the ordinary for her. 

She's overly congested, feverish, and has a somewhat delicate stomach right now and again I go back to, is it a normal virus thing? Or is it a, she has smaller than usual nasal and breathing passages which are overly congested making it even harder for to breathe than someone else? We don't even know for sure what's causing the congestion, or the fever, or the vomiting.  I'm not a hypochondriac by nature, but there's just too many things that could be problematic with her. 

So I do not end today's post with a positive spin.  I will just come out and say Down Syndrome sucks.  I would give anything for her not to have to suffer through this and all the other complications she has and will have to suffer through as well.  I know any other kid could have the same problems without having DS, but right now, all I can say is it sucks.  I don't want my baby to be sick anymore.  I want my happy, smiley, warm but not feverish little girl back. 

A picture to remind me of happier, less pukey times...

1 comment:

  1. Missa, just remember that Tera doesn't let a second go by without sharing her ups and downs (Downs?) with you and Tom. She's learning that she can always depend on the love of her parents to get her through anything.

    And yes, love does conquer all. All obstacles, no matter how high they seem, all problems, no matter how big they appear. Love, the love of two parents, will help her conquer all. Her love of the two of you, will help you conquer all. You have no choice in that. You just need to let it happen. I know you're not the one to "let things happen", you want to be a shaker and a mover. Now is the time for you to learn - just let things happen. Believe. Have faith. That kind of love conquers all.