Saturday, October 8, 2011

Day 8

So I'm happy to report that Tera is feeling much better.  I have to laugh when while talking to the on-call pediatrician last night he said we could be in for a long night with her not feeling well.  But as I've said before Tera is pretty much the easiest going baby in the world and so her "long night" was sleeping from 5:45 last night until 6:00 this morning.  She never woke up once.  I of course checked on her about 30 times, but except for moving around in circles and experiencing her usual level of congestion, she slept soundly.  She also woke up with no fever, acting her usual happy self, and as of right now, keeping all her food down.  One more crisis down...

For everyone living in our Chicagoland area, and I'm guessing most of the midwest, I assume you are all experiencing the same warm weather phenomenom.  This reminds of two things; one, that I really enjoy fall weather and am probably one of the few people that does not enjoy this early October heat wave.  Two, that we had the same phenomenon last year on this same weekend.  Last year I was aboout 4 months pregnant at this time, a couple weeks from our first and only ultrasound, and in Michigan.  Once a year for the past few years Tom and I have tried to go back to Western Michigan, our alma mater for a weekend of hockey, relaxation, and nostalgia.  Last year we were doing the same thing and the weather was unseasonably warm and not what I was hoping for when visiting beautiful Michigan in the fall.  The reason I'm thinking about this, besides the weather, is that at that point I had no idea just how much our lives would change. 

We had decided to visit Saugatauk, a pretty little touristy, shopping town in Michigan that we enjoy and were thinking about how we were going to decorate the baby's room.  I had figured maybe we could find some things there that we might be able to buy or at least help us decide, but at that point we still didn't know if we were having a boy or girl.  We had been considering a super hero room, boy or girl, or Star Wars boy or girl, but how we would go with either those depended on the gender.  We were in an artist's shop and found a few unique super hero paintings we liked, but decided we couldn't buy them until we knew for sure what we were having. 

We already knew at that point that our lives would change, but I look back at that time and realize that the possibility of Down Syndrome hadn't really entered our minds.  We are both very realistic people and were never naive enough to think something like that couldn't happent to us and ironically, before I got pregnant we had had conversations about how we both thought we could handle a child with a disability.  It's odd how things like that stay with you.  But unless you have some indication, I would venture to guess most people probably don't really expect anything to be wrong with their baby. 

When I was 11 weeks pregnant, my doctor thought I'd probably be able to hear her heartbeat, but he ended up not being able to.  I was a nervous wreck for the next month until my next appointment.  When I left my next appointment after having heard that little racing heart, I said out loud to my unborn baby that she should never scare me again like that.  When my sister's best friend's baby had to stay in the hospital after she was discharged, I told her to please not do that to me.  Apparently my little girl wasn't a good listener because after being more scared than I ever had been in my life when we received her diagnosis, she ended up in the NICU for 6 days. 

But if I could go back to last October I would tell myself to forget the super hero theme, that we both knew all along that Star Wars would be the theme.  And if I could go back to February 26th around 9:00 am I would tell myself how amazing she's already been and how she would touch lives like we never could have imagined and that the fear wouldn't ever totally go away and that it was okay to be scared and emotional, but that she will always be ok because she will never experience a lack of love.

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