Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Feeling nostalgic

I am a person who associates smells with things very easily.  This sounds odd, I know.  One of the most familiar and comforting smells to me is the smell of burning leaves.  This is one of the reasons that fall is my favorite season.  The only problem is, every time I smell them, I'm overwhelmed by memories, hopes, and feelings.  This isn't necessarily a bad thing I suppose, but it can be a bit much to handle at times. 

When I was little, both of my grandparents had fireplaces and that smell was always something that comforted me and made me feel at home.  It usually happened around the holidays and so even in the fall when I smell the leaves, I am reminded of Christmas. 

This brings back very happy memories of amazing Christmases with my family when I was younger and reminds of a time when more of my family was still here.  This would be the hard part because for as many happy and comforting memories it brings back, it's also a reminder of people that were important in my life that are no longer here.  And the very hardest part for me lately, is that they'll never meet Tera. 

But I'm not going to dwell on sad things; it doesn't change anything and why make myself more emotional than I already am all the time lately?

Mostly, as I was driving home today and smelling that wonderful, beautiful smell, I was thinking about how excited I am for Tera's first holiday season.  I'm excited for a few reasons.  One, the obvious, I want to see her rip into the presents and not care at all about what's under the paper, but go completely nuts over the wrapping paper itself.  Two, I'm so excited to see our families go nuts over giving her presents.  Mind you, we've tried to prep them since I was pregnant to try and keep it to a reasonable limit, but I'm not holding out much hope.  Mostly I just want them to be able to spend the time with her and for the first time in a while, all of us will experience the joy of Christmas through the pure innocence and delight of a baby.  One who doesn't care what she gets, or how many presents she opens, or about any of the material nonsense that goes along with this time of year.  But one whose face will light up when she sees her grandparents and aunts and uncles, and who will get to meet some people in her family that she's never even met before (and therefore hasn't even charmed in person!) It also of course means a new chapter in what has become an epic series of Christmas cards...

I am excited for all of this, but in the meantime, I will just keep rolling down my windows when I see smoke in the air and breathe in one of the most powerful smells I've experienced.  And if anybody happens to know of a way to bottle this up (or even a company that has captured the smell in candle form) please let me know. 
About 2.5 months Pre-Tera last year...

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