Sunday, December 11, 2011

Day 11-Things that make me go, hmmm...

So there were a few instances this weekend that made me realize that Tera really does know who I am, and that I am in fact someone's (specifically Tera's) mom.  I understand there is a certain element of "duh" involved here, but it was an amazingly wonderful realization to me.  The first instance was when she reached out to me while being held by someone else.  Now, she may have done this before and I didn't notice, but I was definitely aware of it this time and it occurred to me that she wanted me specifically.  She obviously knows who I am because every morning when I pick her up I get a big smile and every day after work when I pick her up from school, she gets all excited to see me.  But this was the first time I knew she had a preference for me.

The second time was on Saturday night and Sunday morning.  My mom watched her so Tom and I could go out for his birthday with some friends.  About 4 hours after we dropped her off, my little sister texted me and said Tera had been crying off and on for about 2 hours and did we have any suggestions for what my mom could do to calm her down.  There was a minor realization on my part when I thought to myself, Tom and I are the experts on our daughter.  No one else in the world knows her like we do and so we went through our list of possibilities and she did eventually fall asleep.  However, this morning when we went to pick her up we found out she'd had a few more rough patches that morning but by the time we got there she was much better.  As soon as I came into the living room at my mom's and Tera saw me, her face just lit up. 

It wasn't until a few hours later when she had partially woken up from napping and was still half asleep, that I picked her up to calm her down and started patting her back and she immediately calmed down and fell back asleep on my shoulder.  It was then that I realized that I, as her mom, have the ability to calm her down like only one other person in the world (that being her dad).  I sat in the rocking chair in her room and thought about the fact that she was really mine and then thought again about how many times that has occurred to me.  Seeing as how I don't have any previous experience in this area, I keep wondering, is there ever going to be a time when it seems real that she's ours? That we created her? And that she's ours forever? I'm not sure. 

I think the best parts of the last 9 months have been when I realize things like this because it makes all the stress, and worry, and pain seem so worth everything.  Somehow this universe worked things out to make her happen and the wonder of that will never cease to amaze me.  And the other thing that never ceases to amaze me? How her cheeks could possibly get more squishy and kissable!!!!

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