Friday, December 2, 2011

Day 2 Love and Marriage

Tonight I finally had some time to go through a stack of catalogs that have been piling up during this holiday season and in the stack I found the most recent newsletter from NADS (National Association for Down Syndrome).  On the front page was an article about a young married couple, both of whom have DS.  To be very honest, which I try to be here, this is probably one of the topics that made me cry the most during the first 6 months after Tera was born.  Don't get me wrong, if you are looking, and maybe even if you aren't, you will find plenty of stories about young adults with DS that are getting or have gotten married. But you know it's not the norm because it's still "news" when it happens.  This was probably one of the harder aspects of having a surprise diagnosis because how could I not think about one day watching Tom walk our daughter down the aisle once we found out she was in fact a girl.  I'm not saying it filled my every waking moment, but it was definitely one of the things I dreamt about experiencing during those countless nights when sleep was eluding me.  And yet as soon as we received her diagnosis, it was one of the first things that I thought might not happen.  However, the more I have read the more I feel like her Dad and Odd-Father will still have to practice their scene from Bad Boys 2 when a boy finally does knock on our door (that poor, poor boy). 

And once again to tie together why I'm doing this little project this month with my thoughts on the future marriage of my still very young 9 month old daughter, it's because I can't imagine my life without my husband.  I won't get all gushy here, but honestly, the relationship I have with him is something I hope she will have the chance to experience.  Marriage is not for everyone, I truly believe that.  Some people are genuinely happy just being on their own, or even being with someone without the formality of marriage.  But I love being married.  It is the only thing I can think of that is tied with Tera's birth as far as the order of importance in my life.  And so as I read the article about how this young couple struggles with many of the same difficulties that anyone else might, I thought to myself, like so many other things with Tera, it's not something I assume will happen, but I also know that the DS will not PREVENT her from experiencing it.  I want her to find a best friend, and love, and know true happiness, and have someone in her life to share all her struggles and successes, sadness and happiness, and laughter and fun.  And if not, that'll be ok, because she'll have family to share those things with too. 

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