Saturday, December 24, 2011

Day 23 (late)

Yes I seem to have forgottten again.  My intention was to post yesterday afternoon to avoid this very thing, but alas, I got caught up in watching Rudolph and playing with Tera (a pretty good excuse I think).

Yesterday was a very reflective day for me.  When I was home with Tera on maternity leave, my favorite time of the day with her was right when she woke up.  I'd feed her and then we'd just play in bed for a while.  I was really looking forward to being able to do this again and I still enjoy it just as much.  But while we were playing yesterday, she'd have periods where she would just lay against me and watch whatever I had on tv (yesterday was Tangled), and I couldn't help but tear up at the thought of how amazing it is that she is here.  I understand life is created all the time, but it's really amazing to think that you yourself had a part of it.  So yes I was a weepy mess yesterday morning and I cried, for the first time in a long time, over what it means to have her.  They weren't the same tears that I cried back in February or March over what I knew was going to be a difficult journey and how scared I was at that time about the future.  Yesterday's tears were more reassuring because I can see now what she's already capable of doing and how much joy she gets out things.  I know that she's not really delayed right now and that her therapists are thrilled with her progress and ability to do things.  I know that she recognizes the cat and dog and that she literally squeals in delight when she can see them (and pet them but we try and keep that to a minimum until she learns petting isn't pulling hair and ears).  I know she feels safe and secure when I hold her and that she knows her dad will always be there to make her laugh and be silly with her.  She knows she will be smothered in kisses when her grandmas and aunts see her, and she knows how to give big wet sloppy kisses right back. 

So yesterday my biggest joy was taking pure joy in Tera.  In all that she is and all that she's accomplished.  Oh yeah, and she sat with Santa and all the people around us in line told us how cute she is :)

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