So tomorrow Tera gets her tubes. I'm not nervous at all actually, I'm just anxious to see if we notice any differences in her after she gets them. And really I'll just feel better knowing she can hear everything and it won't sound like someone's talking through a blanket. I won't deny I'm sure I'll be slightly more emotional when they take her away from me.
The thing that keeps making me emotional is her impending birthday. In a little more than a month my little girl will be one and I can't believe the wave of feelings that keep coming over me as it approaches. Since she was such an easy baby I really do miss those early months, even the getting up in the middle of the night with her. I miss when she would just lay in my arms and sleep. I miss her being so tiny. I really miss being home with her. I miss those early days when the three of us were a brand new family.
However, it's really hard to not love who she is now. I love her expressions, her laugh, and her smile. I love what she's becoming capable of even though it makes me crazy that she can get into so much trouble in so little time. I love that her therapists are so happy with her progress at each session. I love that she seems to be so determined already and I can't wait to see how that drives her to meet and surpass every expectation out there. I love that she knows I'm her mom and Tom is her dad. I love that she loves the cat and the dog and literally squeals when she sees them. I love that she can charm total strangers no matter how tired she is. I love that she is comforted by me when she is sick. I love that she has favorite toys and how involved she gets when she's playing. But mostly I love the little personality that she is developing and how quickly she's turning into her own little person.
I know when I see her for the first time on the morning of February 26th I will be a mess of emotions and I'm sure while most of them will be overwhelming joy, I also am prepared to relive a little of the shock and fear and sadness we experienced when we found out she had DS. But then I will look back on the past year and how she's already blown so many of those fears out of the water and realize she has nothing but unlimited potential to reach.
The ironic part of her birthday is that we will spend the eve of her birthday at a dinner/gala/celebration for the organization that has made this year so much more bearable for us. Unbeknownst to us last year, on the evening of the day she was born there was a big fundraising celebration for an organization called Gigi's Playhouse. Also unbeknownst to us, a very good family friend and her son and his girlfriend were attending this event not yet knowing about Tera's diagnosis. It would be another day or so before the news spread to the whole family and about ten different people told us about a place called Gigi's Playhouse and how they had heard fantastic things about it and its support for families of kids with DS. So it will be quite the full circle attending this year knowing how important and dear this organization has become to us. The only flaw in my planning was asking my mom to babysit Tera while Tom and I went thinking she would just spend the night. And then I remembered that would mean she wouldn't be home with us on the morning of her birthday. After thinking about that for about an hour I've already made the decision to pick her up on our way home. I'm going to have to see that beautiful little face on her first birthday so her and I can talk about her plans for the next year...