Sunday, February 12, 2012

Issues

I am not coping well tonight.  Tera was home sick on Friday with, we have no idea what.  She was running a temperature of over 101and super cranky and tired until the Motrin kicked in.  She was also cranky Thursday night, off and on Saturday, and off and on today.  I know I really can't complain because she is normally so easy, but it doesn't make it any easier to handle when I don't know what to do to make her happy.  She's by no means inconsolable, just cranky.  She's also putting up a fight at meal times which is very unlike her.  The seemingly likely culprit? Teeth, we think.  But we can't really get a good look in her mouth to tell and since she doesn't have any yet, we have nothing to compare this to.  But then throw into the mix a nasty, wet sounding cough for most of today and the fact that Tom had to leave to play hockey, leaving me alone with the cranky, tired, coughing little girl, and after already shedding tears once, I'm currently attempting a glass of wine and watching Ya-Ya Sisterhood.  She went to bed about a half hour ago, but I can hear through the monitor that the poor thing is coughing in her sleep.  I just broke down in tears again over the phone to my mom because I feel like my baby is constantly uncomfortable or not feeling well and my heart hurts for her. 

The tears were the result of multiple things. One, I'm a crazy over-emotional wreck most of the time.  Two, we have over 60 people coming to Tera's birthday party next weekend and while I'm normally pretty calm while planning a party, I keep feeling like I'm forgetting something important or that I'll regret not having later.  Mind you, we've done these types of gatherings many times before and they are usually successful, but reason cannot be used in this situation.  I have one sister flying in Thursday night to stay with us and I'm super excited, but keep worrying about whether she and Josh will have stuff to eat and whether I'll remember to tell them everything when they watch Tera on Friday (again, not something I normally stress about, but refer above to lack of reason).  And to add just one more thing to my list, I keep over-thinking the fact that I really should have scheduled the party for at least an hour later to account for Tera's afternoon nap, but didn't and so I'm also worried about the fact that she more than likely won't have an afternoon nap and how that's going to go over. 
And if all that weren't enough, the closer it gets to her actual birthday, the more I keep reliving the morning she was born and I keep feeling all the hurt and pain I felt that day.  And then I acknowledge to myself how ridiculous it is to do that because I know that I've accepted what all of this means, but once again, refer to my previous statements about no reason. 

Enter the tears.

So now I'm going to try and calm myself down by folding some laundry so I can attempt to go back to work tomorrow with a somewhat clear to do list.  That is, clear until we add in all the things we need to try and get done this week before the 60 people descend upon our house to celebrate the birth of my most beautiful little girl.  And who can blame them? All stress aside, I'm really looking forward to the party and seeing my sisters.  I'm also looking forward to being able to share with you the pictures from Tera's photo shoot for her one year pictures by the truly amazing and talented Michelle Meller sometime soon...

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