Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Day 14-Mom conundrums

I do not think I would be good at being a stay-at-home mom.   Last year when I was home with Tera for six months, don’t get me wrong, I loved it.  I loved knowing everything that was going on with her, I loved taking care of her, and I loved not working for once, and I’m so excited to be home with her again for Spring Break and for sure for the summer.  And I miss her like hell when I am working.  Of course it probably also really helped that she was such an easy baby. 

It’s a constant struggle to keep my sanity by working full time and trying to be a good mom and spend time with her and make sure that we practice all that we should be for therapy and even trying to schedule all the therapies.  But even with all that, I don’t know that I could be home all the time.  I could definitely handle part-time, but I can’t even say that I would like an “easier” full time job because I know myself.  I like being  challenged and I like being a professional.  I just wish there were about 10 more hours in the day so that I could balance everything. 

This is at least one of those things that I know is a “normal” mom thing and not just a DS mom thing.  It’s nice to experience some normal mom stuff and know that not everything I go through is related to DS.  I know some stay-at-home moms and I have a lot of respect for them.  Even though Tera is an easy kid, I know that there are days when I was home with her that were harder than being at work.  But when I went back to work last August, I also knew that I needed some time away from Down Syndrome.  I had just spent the last six months learning everything I could about it, attending parent groups, play groups, therapies, and so on and I was kind of in need of a break from focusing on that all the time.  I still spend a lot of time on DS stuff, but now I have other things to keep me distracted from thinking about it all the time and I think I needed that. 

But do I wake up most mornings and wish I could just stay home with her? Yes.  Do I spend large amounts of my day thinking about her? Yes.  So how do I figure this out? I have no idea.  And my guess from talking with my other mom friends is, there is no answer in sight. 

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