After having spent about eleven days straight of worrying about some part or multiple parts of Tera's health, I'm exhausted. It hasn't just been one thing with her, it's been a combination of things and that combination has changed throughout those eleven days. This morning I thought we had finally rounded the corner and were on our way back to "normalcy".
She ate breakfast like a champ, back to her usual self. She didn't take a morning nap, but yesterday she didn't either and slept for an hour and a half in the afternoon and ended up staying up until after 9pm. So today when she did the same thing, I assumed we'd still be okay. At around 5:30pm she started getting cranky and tired and around 6:30 I caved and got her ready for bed. But that was not going to happen. We tried a few times to get her to sleep because she was exhausted, but it wasn't working so we just brought her back downstairs where she played for another hour. At 8pm, Tom tried putting her down again. She still wouldn't sleep.
So I went up there and literally had to just hold onto her while she twisted, squirmed, kicked, screamed and cried for almost a half hour.
Her body is covered in little red bumps as a side effect of her vaccines last week and once again I've seen her rubbing her left ear on her shoulder and so of course, my mind goes into worry mode once again. This evening's bedtime antics are highly unlike her and I have to wonder if there's something else at work that's causing her discomfort.
I would like to think that when she wakes up in the morning she'll be her usual self and we'll make it through the whole week without any phone calls. But thinking a little more realistically, I'm worried she'll wake up with her whole body covered in the rash and they either won't let her stay at school, or will end up calling us for some other reason.
I started this school year with a motto: Not peppy, but positive. As the year has progressed, that has become trickier. In my day to day life, I'm more pragmatic than optimistic or pessimistic. In my most overwhelmed moments, I go into survival mode and deal with the events at hand because that's all that I can do.
There have been many times, a lot more lately it seems, that I feel like I should be more positive about things. But when I sit back and reflect, I realize that while not overwhelmingly positive all the time, I don't feel like I'm negative. I just am. I've never been accused of being "perky" and I'm pretty sure I'm not going to start at 31 so I will continue just experiencing the emotions as they are. I won't try and pretend everything is great but I'll try not to dwell on the downside.
Here's to a realistic outlook for the week.
|This face always puts things in perspective...|