Thursday, June 7, 2012

Goodbye my love

This will probably be one of the more difficult things to write.  The one thing I have been dreading for nine years finally had to happen today.  It still seems a little surreal, but then I feel the pain in my heart and I know that it is real.  My sweet little angel puppy had to be laid to rest.  A few weeks ago we noticed that the lymph nodes in her neck were very swollen.  During a visit to the vet, we decided to switch her from her very effective arthritis medication to Prednazone to help reduce the lymph nodes but which also meant we couldn't keep her on her arthritis medication.  For a while it seemed to be working, but in the past week she had a rapid decline.  We discussed the possibility on Monday and on Wednesday we made our decision. 

In the hours following our decision, we were both very emotional.  I spent much of the evening, for better or worse, thinking about how it would be her last night at home and with that realization, my heart started breaking.  I knew that everything that happened today would be her last and I'm thankful Tera was at school because it gave me time to just be with Jaina and spend some last quality hours with her.  I told Jaina yesterday that I needed a sign to know that we were doing the right thing and while people may think I'm crazy, my sweet girl is insanely smart and so I don't doubt for a second she knew what I was talking about.  Between that time and when we took her in today, she gave me the signs I needed to know that it was the the right time and so that part was made easier.  The horribly difficult part was acknowledging that when we took her out of the house and put her in the car, it was the last time she would be home. 

From the minute we left the vet to this very minute, Tom and I have just been trying to work through the pain of missing her so very much.  Jaina was so unique and special that her mark is everywhere in our house and it's been a little rough seeing all the reminders.  Because she's always had bad hips, the hardwood floors have always been difficult for her and so we have rugs everywhere so she could get around.  The coffee table in our living room was moved to the edge of the rug so that she had the whole area to try and lay down.  Her food dishes, toys, bones, blankets, and all her usual places to sleep are all so painful reminders that she isn't here with us tonight. 

I have so much more to say about her and want to share some of the best parts of the last nine years.  Since I use this blog as a journal, I want to make sure I remember the good parts, but it just can't happen tonight. 

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