Wednesday, June 20, 2012

The sequel

Now that Tera is one we've been asked a few times if we're going to have another one.  For a long time Tom and I had pretty much figured we'd only have one kid, it was just the way we saw our life and envisioned our family.  For a while my deal was I wanted one kid and five dogs, then I amended that to two kids and four dogs.  There was a stretch of time when things got dicey because I had no kids and only one dog.  And now I have one kid and no dog, but while we want another kid, we have no plans right now for another dog just yet.  If you've followed all of that it means that yes, we are planning on having another kid.  This isn't news to our close family and friends; I think they thought if they just pestered us enough we'd eventually cave just so we didn't have to hear about it anymore, but regardless of what they may believe, this was all our decision and not one we came to quickly.  As we got closer to me getting pregnant with Tera our conversations occasionally revolved around whether or not we still wanted just one or possibly two.  Both of us figured at that point we'd see how the first one went and go from there. 

It didn't take us long after Tera was born to know that we did in fact want another one and then the conversation revolved around when.  There are so many things that factor in now that we have Tera.  I'm sure many people, for better or worse, don't put nearly as much thought into this as we do and they just have the kids and worry about how it will all work out later.  We researched our vacuums for weeks on end so this decision was probably not going to be a rushed one. 

Once we had made the decision that we did want another one, we refer to it as the sequel in our house, we thought that this summer would be a good time to try and then I would be due around the same time as Tera was and I could take the rest of the year off and everything would be perfect again (well almost perfect, it wasn't without it's slight complications the first time around).  But the more we got into Tera's therapies and experienced the first year of seemingly endless illnesses, it became more evident that our proposed time frame may not have been ideal.  And so we pushed it back a year with the idea that Tera would be transitioning into the Early Childhood program and out of Early Intervention.  Early Intervention is done at our home, which don't get me wrong is incredibly convenient, but Early Childhood is in an actual school where she will be bussed by Montessori and have whatever therapies she needs done there.  This theoretically frees up our time at home. 

Now comes the worries that go along with a sequel.  First and foremost in my mind is my stress level during the next pregnancy.  I was relatively calm with Tera because while I was aware of the potential problems, I didn't have any specific reason to worry.  Now I do.  I now have a slightly increased risk over the general population to have another child with Down Syndrome.  I'm also aware of so many other issues that exist.  We haven't decided yet whether or not we will do any prenatal testing and if we do, what kind we will do.  I would never change that I didn't know with Tera, but knowing what I do now, I don't know that I can go through a whole pregnancy again without knowing something.  Which brings up another worry: having to deal with what I assume will be a steady barrage of questions regarding exactly that. I'm not good at hiding my irritation and frustration with people so at some point I'm going to have to figure out a strategy for dealing with that. 

On top of the increased risk already, I will be a few years older so that worries me.  We worry about how we'll handle the added time commitment we know exists with Tera on top of another child.  We worry about the financial aspect and the space in our house and many more mundane things that lots of families worry about. 

So there it is.  Yes we're planning on Baby Theodore Episode 2 (or 4 depending on your preference) and it's not right now.  And in case you're also wondering, we're hoping for a girl because we have way too many damn clothes to not use again. 

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