Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Where oh where has my willpower gone?

When people ask me at the end of the summer if it was relaxing, I'm hoping my answer will be yes.  But if you were to ask me right now, I'd probably laugh.  First off, let me just get out of the way that yes I understand not everyone gets summers off to which I am always thinking in my head that it's every one's right to go to school and get a degree in education and then hope that you have enough patience to make it through nine months with hormonal teenagers to even survive until the summer, but I never say that.  Anyway, I did choose education and because the government decreed it long, long ago, I do in fact have summers off. 

However, so far this summer "vacation" we've had to put our dog down, Tera was sick for well over two weeks including a weekend in the hospital, I've been blowing my nose for two weeks, I've been to the dentist three times, I'm not sure how many doctor appointments we've had yet, she has surgery scheduled in the beginning of August to have her tubes put back in, we thought for a few hours tonight she had pink eye (I think it was just sunscreen in her eye) and it's been one of the hottest summers on record.  All I'm saying is relaxing hasn't been part of my vocabulary recently.

This was supposed to be my summer to lose those last stubborn 8-10 pounds after having Tera.  Just before I got pregnant I competed in a figure competition which basically means I was doing kind of light-weight body building.  I wasn't one of the those amazon women you see on TV, but I was in the best shape of my life and I weighed less than I ever had as an adult.  Many people said I was crazy to get pregnant right away after having just put myself (and my husband) through hell, but I looked at it as being in the best shape to get pregnant.  I'm going to go out on a limb here and state that I gained about 35 pounds during pregnancy (I'm not a fan of sharing numbers so this is a big deal to me) and I have about 10 pounds left to get back to where I was just before I got pregnant.  The biggest obstacle to me here is that I had worked my ass off for almost a year to get to that weight and trying to get close to it again is very daunting.  Just to clarify, it's not the weight I was the day of my competition; that weight was attained after not having eaten really anything for two days and almost no water.  My goal is to get back to about 10 pounds more than that day, but 10 pounds less than where I am now. 

When I was training, and I did it basically twice; once for a competition at my gym and then for the figure competition, I had tons of people telling me how dedicated I was (and how crazy I was) and how they could never do it.  Well, I'm here to tell you, anyone can do it because I was one of those people who used to say that and then I did it.  But now I sit here and I'm thinking it again.  I cannot get my act together. 

At the beginning of the summer we bought a jogging stroller at a garage sale so I could start running.  And let me just say, I hate running so the idea of me doing is quite comical even to myself.  But I did it a few times and then kind of had some obstacles.  One was Tera got sick, one was that the temperature began to resemble that of the Sahara Desert and since I'm not a huge fan of running in the first place doing it in the blazing heat was not going to happen, and then I was sick, and then it was hot again, and on top of all of that I discovered Tera seems to fall asleep pretty much every time we go so I have to time it just right.  I know, this sounds like a lot of excuses and in part it is.  This would be the result of a lack of motivation. 

I also decided to try doing P90X instead of using my gym membership thinking it should be easier to get workouts in at home.  I can try them when Tera's home, but worst case I can do them when she's at daycare.  The only problem with at home workouts for me is I can always find something else to do.  And especially lately, I try and cram so much into the days when she's not home because I just can't get much done when she is, and I don't want to spend my whole day getting stuff done when she's home with me, I want to be able to do stuff with her. 

Food has been touch and go though I'm still a very healthy eater for the most part so that's the one thing that's been keeping me from going in the wrong direction of my goal instead of just not getting closer to it.  But even with food I find I'm much more likely to eat something I shouldn't than when I used to be able to say no to a whole lot more. 

So now I spend most days feeling guilty for not working out when I should be and it just sucks to feel that way all the time.  I have no idea what I'm going to do about all of this, but I should probably figure it out before I have to go back to work!

About a month after my show and a month before I got pregnant.

Nine months pregnant
A little less than a year ago

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