Thursday, August 2, 2012

Warning: Very high cry potential

So Tera's tube procedure went well and she now has two new tubes that will hopefully afford me the distinct privilege of hearing her utter the sound I've so desperately been longing to hear: mama.  But on that positive note I've learned of two different things that have made me put so many things in perspective these past couple days and I'll warn again that this may be a tear-jerker, but it needs to be shared.

Late last week we learned through various posts on Facebook that a little boy that attends Gigi's (though not the McHenry Playhouse) was very sick and at Children's Hospital in Chicago.  He had already crashed one time that day and they were requesting prayers and thoughts for him and his parents.  I'm actually friends with his mom on Facebook and though I've never quite figured out how she found me, she's been someone who has commented and/or liked various things on Tera's page from time to time.  I sent her a message on Facebook letting her know we would be at Children's on Wednesday if they needed anything and with all that was going on with her son, I wasn't surprised I didn't hear back from her.  It wasn't until I got home Wednesday and was looking through Facebook later that afternoon while Tera was sleeping that I learned her son has passed away that morning at Children's.  I read the information from more than one source and found myself incredibly emotional very quickly.  Here I had just brought home my baby from that same hospital and she was doing fine and the thought that they had lost their son, just broke my heart and reminded me once again how fragile life can be.  It was also incredibly scary to think that so many of the complications that DS can bring on can be life-threatening.  I don't know all the details of what happened, but it doesn't change the fact that someone in my community lost their child and I just cried off and on that afternoon thinking about it.  When Tera woke up I just held her so tight and then cried again.  The post from the McHenry Playhouse said to make sure you hug your children everyday because you never know when it might be your last time and I made extra sure to do that (although one thing Tera is never ever lacking is hugs and kisses from her mom).  I know this is going to make many people reading this cry and for that I apologize; it's not my intent to be sad, but do take those words to heart and remember that few things, if any, are more important than spending time, quality or not, with your loved ones.  Since having Tera I've feared some things more and some things less.  I don't fear time management any more because it will happen somehow and if not, there are more important things to worry about.  I fear death, anyone's, more.  I can't imagine living my life without the people I have in it and I'm terrified to miss out on anybody else's.

On top of reading about this yesterday, today I read a post in my forum from a mom who found out she has not only one child with a chromosomal abnormality (DS), but two and her second one is so rare they don't even have a name for it.  One reason this struck so close to home for me was that as we get closer to thinking about a 2nd baby (see my other post about a sequel), one of the things that comforts me is not having to go through all of this again.  But then I read about something like this and I'm reminded that that isn't necessarily guaranteed.  Anything can happen and while we hope and assume that my next pregnancy is completely uneventful and that any future child is born healthy, as we've already found out, things don't always work out that way.  After reading her blog post where she tells of discovering this news, I realized she handled everything very much in the way I imagine we would.  It doesn't make the possibility any easier to fathom, but it does make me realize that we would in fact handle it just like we did the first time.  Still, again, the fear is there and I don't want to live my life in fear.

I guess what I can say I've gotten from all of this is to try and remember above all else that Tera is a child first and that if things get too crazy, whether it's from therapy, sickness, bills, work, or anything else, all that really matters is that we're a family and we love each other like crazy.  I need to remember that she's more important than laundry, errands, cleaning and whatever else takes up my time because without her and Tom, none of it matters.  I also need to be reminded that whatever happens, we can handle.  It may not always feel like we can, but we will and not because we're only given what we can handle (because I don't believe that) but because together we can take on anything and anyone.  I hope that I've ended this on a more positive note; now go hug someone :)

No matter what right now, she's smiling and you should be too.

1 comment:

  1. So sad about Eli but nice that people are flooding the guest book with well wishes and support for his amazing parents.

    On a happier note check out the cover of People magazine...it will make you smile!

    Stay strong & give Tera a hug from me. :)

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