Sunday, October 21, 2012

Day 21

I'm tired.  I'm tired of being tired and I'm tired of having no time.  This month is all about awareness and support of DS, but people need to know it's not all rainbows and smiles all the time.

Tera is now up to four therapies a week and while we try to schedule at least half of them at daycare, it took me almost two weeks last month just to contact her therapists and schedule the sessions.  That doesn't include the actual session taking place and the inevitable cancelling and sometimes rescheduling when she's sick or all the juggling that goes on between Tom and I to make sure one of us is home with her for the ones we do attend.  Please don't read this and think I'm looking for pity because I'm not. Everyone has problems, but this is my way to deal with the stress and so here I am dealing.

Our weeknights are ridiculous some weeks and while I'll admit some of it is brought on by us, I'd like to think  we do deserve to do some things we actually want to do and sometimes those things happen on weeknights. They weren't exactly footloose and fancy free before my damn herniated disk and resulting shoulder pain, but since then I've also had to add in two hour and fifteen minute appointments a week on top of our pre-existing engagements.  The only plus side to those is that they do include a one hour type of massage and that's kind of the only time during the whole week that I'm forced to relax.

Then there are the weekends.  I don't feel like we're over booking so much as all the things we'd like to do and people we'd like to see happen to fall on the same two days.  I've written about my fall bucket list and things I'd like to experience with Tera at this age that I don't want to regret missing out on later, but apparently that also means making ourselves crazy in the process.

This year, like last year, Tom is playing in two hockey leagues.  One he's played in for years which is every other Friday night at 9:40 from September until the end of May.  This used to be more of an inconvenience when we didn't have a child and I wanted to do things on Friday nights, but mostly now I just catch up on housework or grading or TV and go to bed.  He also plays some Sundays up in Kenosha with some guys I work with.  This is an actual competitive league (Friday is mostly rat ice style) and it's only on some Sundays.  The times vary from 3:30 to 8:00 and I mostly don't mind this one it's just that Sunday nights used to be our time to relax.  But he really loves it and that is his way to relax and he deserves to have that time to himself.  It's also one more thing to plan around on the weekends.

Meanwhile I spend more time postponing my to-do list than actually accomplishing everything on it.  The winter is usually a little better because there's no yard work and less outdoor activities, but for now we still have to figure out how to cut the grass every few weeks, when to bring our outside stuff in, when to rake, when to trim the bushes before winter, and various other tasks.

And then at some point on most weekends it all overwhelms me, I have a (usually minor) meltdown, regroup, and I'm somewhat ok.  Then the whole process starts all over again.  It's a tough balance of not being recluses but having all of our housework and projects done, and having a life but a house that looks like a tornado went through it with dirty dishes and dirty clothes.  I don't know that I'll ever figure it out, but I'd like to think I'll get better at handling it (believe it or not I'm better now than I used to be).

And to top it all off, we have a child that does still tend to be more sick than the typical child.  Yesterday we spent a good portion of the day at the zoo, some time with friends last night, actually went to bed at a decent time, but Tera was up multiple times culminating in puking all over me, herself, and our bed at around 7am.  This added in several loads of laundry to the already extensive amount I had to do and then we had a sometimes cranky, kind of lethargic, un-Tera like Tera with a still very delicate stomach to contend with.

Tera had her face painted like a scarecrow at
school on Friday...
Ok I'm done.  I've got it all out, I'm going to look at the pictures we took yesterday of my favorite subject, enjoy my wine, and wait for my husband to come home so we can maybe watch Walking Dead before we fall asleep.

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