I haven’t posted anything in over a week because to be honest I've been in a bit of a funk. That would seem like a good reason to write and get everything out, but I didn't want it to be a rant about how “blah” I was feeling. But I think right now, it’s mostly just that I’m tired. I haven’t slept well or long in weeks, maybe months. Sometimes I get a random night or two of good sleep, but I can’t remember the last time I had to get up and I didn't dread it. During the week it’s not necessarily that I don’t want to go to work, although a day or two off wouldn't be bad, it’s mostly just that I know I’m tired. I've either not slept well and don’t want to get up, or I finally have and I want to sleep longer.
A lot of people don’t enjoy this time of the year, but I really am not bothered by it. I don’t mind cloudy days, I like the snow, I like the cold, and we’re not quite as busy as during the holidays. It does tend to be more difficult at work because this can be a difficult time for student motivation and therefore can result in some more frustration on my part, but I really don’t even feel that aggravated by it.
But I've noticed I’m tired most nights, I’m more frustrated and angry than usual when people do things that annoy me, I've spent multiple commutes to and from work dwelling on things that I shouldn't be wasting my time with, and then there’s Tera; the light of my life and source of more worry than I ever could have imagined.
She finally seemed to break through her last virus/cough without pneumonia after three long weeks of multiple nebulizer treatments a day and the constant worry it was going to get worse. Then as soon as we took her off the last of her treatments, except the maintenance one, she had three different episodes of throwing up that we were worried was some kind of stomach virus or who knows what. But after the third time there was no more and the worry passed. That is until Wednesday when she randomly started coughing that lovely little hacking cough she tends to get. It was only sporadic and not during her sleep so we let it go for a day and then of course last night it got worse.
Tom and I both had to contend with long drives home after the crazy snowfall we got and then after putting her to bed she woke up at 11:30, I got her back to sleep, and then woke up a short time later, I asked Tom to get up with her, and then after some sporadic whining throughout the in-between hours, started waking up at 3:30am and was really up at 4:30am. This would be around the time I realized she really couldn't breathe through her nose and could feel her congestion and coughing in her back. Then around 4:55 I decided it was nebulizer time.
So in an attempt to somewhat cheer myself up, I’m going to include a good/bad list.
Good: Tera made it maybe two days without us worrying she was sick.
Bad: She appears to have something again.
Good: We do see the pulmonologist next Wednesday so hopefully he can shed some light and insight into this mess of a lung situation.
Bad: It took a crazy long time to get home yesterday.
Good: I had a beautiful and not too stressful drive in this morning because the roads were mostly clear, but the super heavy snow was, and still is, sticking to everything.
Good: It’s Friday, I had a chiropractor appointment to alleviate the insane amount of tension in my neck, came home to a little girl pretty excited to see me and who showered me with kisses, had dinner with my family at one of our favorite places, got our grocery shopping out of the way, and will spend the short remainder of my time awake tonight watching Bones and then going to bed.