Sunday, March 17, 2013

Welcome back worry.

I haven't posted in a while because life was pretty normal for us.  Tera was healthy, we were adjusting to our life without the pitter-patter of little furry feet, work was crazy for both us, we were finally getting in somewhat regular workouts, and life was just peachy.

I've had some passing bouts of emotional distress, but nothing out of the ordinary for me.  Not a whole lot has changed I suppose, except for the Tera being healthy part.  We had a pretty good run of two weeks, but as they say, all good things must come to an end.  I don't want to go through all the details of the past two weeks because I'm never as happy with my posts when I do that.  I just felt it was time to get some stuff out, the first of which is, I'm not ready to go through this sick thing again yet.  I mean I will, because I have to, but I don't want to.  I don't want her to have to.  At this point we're pretty sure we're dealing with a sinus infection again, but then Friday the cough kicked in.  We've upped the nebulizers again, trying to keep her nasal passages as lubricated as possible, and basically just hoping for the best but preparing ourselves for otherwise.  My biggest fear right now, other than the potential for pneumonia again, is her becoming more and more resistant to antibiotics.  She spent three straight weeks on an antibiotic the last time; the last two of those weeks on a very strong one.  I just can't fathom putting her on one again already.  And if she's sick again because the last one didn't completely clear up, then I'm not sure where that leaves her.

I'm worried, again, and want so very much for her to just be able to be a "normal" kid for a while.  One who doesn't have to wake up and go sleep every day with a mask attached to her face so she doesn't end up in the hospital again.  It's not the overwhelming worry I feel when she's really sick, but it's creeping in again.

Today my brother-in-law and Tom rearranged some furniture upstairs so that Tera now has our old bedroom furniture in her room.  We gave her more space so she can play in there and now her room looks like a big girl room and just reminds me that she really is getting older.  I see it in so much of what she does and how she acts lately and it's reassuring to see her progressing the way that all kids do and at the same time makes me miss when she was so small and dependent on us.  This is the way that our life should be.  The very normal worries of lamenting a child growing up too fast for a mom to believe.  Not the worries that accompany every cough, runny nose, and watery eyes.

Yesterday after spending the afternoon at Tera's best friends' birthday party and watching the two of them just revel in each other's company, Tom and I came home, relaxed, and talked about some plans for our house and a vacation.  I felt so completely lucky in my life.  My family, my friends, and my life, with all that it encompasses is one that I wouldn't trade.  I would prefer for my baby to not have to suffer through being sick every other week.  I would love that our time could be better spent than at doctor appointments and worrying about what new skill she should be working on.  But every single time that beautiful face smiles that most amazing smile, she melts my heart and I would never risk losing any part of her to make things any different.

So once again, we'll see what the night and the week bring and try and deal with whatever comes our way.

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