Tuesday, June 4, 2013

I know, but...

I don't like writing negative posts, but I don't have a lot of time lately and unfortunately I seem to find more time for negative than positive ones as of late.  I'm really hoping that with only two and a half days left of school that I have time to write some more positive, and informative, and inspiring posts in the next few months.  But for now...

I hate that the sound of a cough can break my heart.  I hate that Tera can leave a doctor visit without anything being wrong "yet".  Yes that is what is going on today.  After the awful health crisis that lasted all of April, she managed to escape May with just a minor ear infection and the beginnings of another runny nose.  Welcome to June where she started on almost day one with a minor cough and rubbing her other (originally non-infected) ear on her shoulder on and off.  I only heard the cough maybe five times in the past two days, but I'm quite well versed in Tera and seeing as how almost every single cough she's had in her two year life has ended up as something, I don't feel I'm overreacting.  I sent a message to the ENT asking for suggestions based on her symptoms and history and so Tom ended up taking her in to see the pediatrician this afternoon where she left with a fairly clean bill of health.  So far.

Until recently we would have started her on the Albuterol right away, but since finding out in April that it aggravates her acid reflux, I'm more hesitant to use it now unless we really need to.  But I made the decision to do it before bedtime tonight and almost immediately she began coughing after I put her to bed.  And every cough made me want to cry.  I know she can handle the discomfort, but she shouldn't have to.  I know she's been through this before, but it's been too many times.  I know she's not really sick right now, but she tends to get more sick once this sets in.  I know that it could be worse, but right now all I can think about is that she's going to have to go through this again.  And to top it all off, I know that it will probably not be gone before Tom and I leave on vacation next Wednesday night and I'll have to try and deal with leaving her while she's not feeling well.  Oh yeah, and feeling like a shitty parent because I'm leaving my sick kid, but knowing that we need this vacation because we've spent the better part of the last year dealing with a sick kid.  I know she'll be left in the very capable hands of both our parents who between them have over 60 years of experience raising kids, but she'll still be sick and I won't be there.

I can hope that this is fairly minor and she only coughs a few more times and maybe it's just allergies and in a day or two she'll be completely fine.  I will try and hope for that.

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