I don't even know where to begin right now. Three days ago I was still pregnant and while cognizant of the fact that a new condition meant more risk to my pregnancy and a chance that delivery could be even earlier than my already scheduled early c-section, I didn't really think that I'd be sitting here now having just posted a picture on Facebook of our newest daughter, Zoey Theodore Theodore, born at 28.5 weeks.
The whirl of emotions going through me is really indescribable. I'm in shock, I'm overwhelmed, I'm happy, I'm sad, I'm worried, I'm terrified, I'm relieved, and I'm about a million other things that I can't even name. The stream of visitors, doctors, pumping, and trips to visit my littlest girl has distracted me all day and now that I'm really alone with my thoughts, I find myself completely and utterly emotionally exhausted. I'm still recovering and while I'm doing really well physically, there's only so much I can do to help myself mentally except try and rest and really achieve the impossible task of not over thinking everything.
At the moment, I'm really mostly thinking about Tera and how I haven't seen, in person, or held or kissed her since Monday afternoon. My daughter with special needs has now gained a sister with different special needs (at least hopefully only short term). My worst fears about how to deal with a three year old that, even without special needs, would have a hard time understanding what's going on, and now another child that needs just as much of my attention and love; have come true. I've had to focus on my own recovery and the changing status of what is going on with Zoey here at the hospital while Tera stays with my incredibly supportive in laws.
And after two days of non stop emotional and physical exhaustion, I find myself no closer to reaching any sort of balance; nor do I expect to anytime soon.
My posts for the next days and weeks will serve as a way to update our very large, very supportive and loving family and friends on Zoey's progress, and also as a way for me to try to work through and deal with my own struggles as we make our way through this new adventure for our family. Thank you to everyone who has already sent messages, texts, and calls, your love and support mean the world to us as we figure this all out.
I'll try to include an actual update and information tomorrow when I'm less tired for those of you who aren't on Facebook.