Monday, September 1, 2014

And the weeks keep passing by...

So here we are, seven weeks into this crazy little adventure of ours.  Zoey is growing steadily and is up to a whopping four pounds and four ounces now and, I can't remember if I mentioned this last time, but our little peanut had managed to grow two inches in five weeks! She may be facing quite the opposite clothing dilemmas that her older sister has.

And now we just continue to wait.  Tom and I both kind of anticipated this being a difficult part of this experience because while we are beyond thrilled that there is nothing as serious as the first week to worry about anymore, every day it seems we should be ready to take her home.  She took all eight of her bottles in the past 24 hours which is huge for her.  Friday afternoon after we left they attempted to move her to the open crib, but the next morning, despite several layers of clothes and blankets, her temperature had dropped and she needed to be moved back to her isolette.  It was difficult to hear that it had stressed out her little body so much, but the fact that she is so close to all of her bottles is incredible.  Being able to take all her feedings by bottle is a combination of a skill and energy and I thought for sure that would be the later of her two last milestones before being released. On the plus side, as long as she's gaining weight, her temperature will start to happen on its own.

 Her updates from the doctor each day are pretty boring (which we're more than okay with) and mostly include increases in the volumes of each feeding, increases in the extra calories they're adding to her her milk, how her thyroid is responding to the current dose of medication and whether or not it needs to be adjusted, and what tests they will only need to repeat one more time before she goes home.  As of right now, her head ultrasound from last Friday looked good and they will check it one more time before she gets discharged to make sure the clots from the bleeding are dissipating and they'll repeat the echo of her heart one more time before she gets discharged to see if she needs to be followed by a cardiologist to monitor her PDA.  

We are amazed more and more each day, as are her doctors, at how well she has done compared to how rocky her first week was.  And so we just wait.  And I HATE waiting.  I'm no good at it and it's getting harder and harder as each day goes by to know that seven weeks have passed and she's still not home.  Not that we were expecting her to be home by now, but still, the waiting sucks.  Her room is finally ready and all that it's really missing, is a sweet little girl to occupy it (well, a sweet little girl other than her sister who likes to play in there).

It's just as hard to leave Tera in order to be able to see Zoey.  She's done much better these past few weeks both at home and at school, but I can say there is definitely a level of guilt every time we leave her to go to the hospital.  Today I did something I haven't done in a long time; I rocked her to sleep for her nap, and I loved it.  I haven't done it in so long and it felt so good to just let her sit in my lap and fall asleep as I studied her face.  The same way I did with Zoey this morning and the way I used to all the time when she was littler.  As she pulled my arm around her my hand rested on her heart and I felt all the swishing it does through the hole that is still trying to close.  I focused on her tongue resting so familiarly on her bottom lip and realized how aware I am of its absence on Zoey.

I was so worried for so long about if it was possible to love another child as much as I loved Tera. I was especially concerned because of Tera's special needs. But now that Zoey is here, I find myself feeling like I love Tera even more than before, if that's possible, and Zoey just as much.  Which is part of the reason why this whole process is so completely exhausting.  To see one of my girls means having to leave the other one.  I'm constantly torn and it's getting to be unbearable.

Next Monday is the day I was scheduled for my c-section originally.  I've informed Zoey she needs to focus on getting all her skills in order by the end of next week which is when she would originally have come home (probably).  We'll see how she does...
Zoey at 7 weeks
Tera at only a few days

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